barelyanimated.com

JohnInk.com has got it’s first comment! See:

Ha! It’s funny cause he’s fat.
~Jomama

Now, the party’s getting started! Laughing at the fat man!

Woot!

This site is just sad, guys. It’s like that fat guy at the pizza buffet. You know the one, surrounded by crust and wearing a bunny suit for some reason? Like this:

Now, I’m okay with that. Some of the most important men in history were fat men in bunny suits. But where’s the crowd of people laughing at the fat man? Where is you?

This site is so popular! Traffics already in the TRIPLE DIGITS! And still no one has joined in the party. Join me. Laugh at the poorly-drawn fat man! Do it… for your souls.

These comics are an effort to release things on a more you’ll-come-back-again-and-again-and-make-me-richer-and-famouser basis. Hopefully, this means all my adoring fans won’t have to wait ten days for a new blog post. I might even get a comment or two out of the deal! SWEET!

Finally, someone does something about this whole Twilight phenomena. You can watch this instead of Eclipse. I heard that movie is trash. Not nearly enough beheading. Though, that’s my complaint about most movies.

Unlike Eclipse, MY video is free, so watch it as many times as you want. Most of the humor is high brow, so it will probably take multiple views to get it all.

A special thanks to Erin for doing the voice work for Bella.

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Before coming to Kentucky, I was warned that the fumes from this oil spill were going to get hit by a hurricane, and carried inland. Then, my babies would come out deformed. Not only that, but there’s a media blackout and a volcano and socialism! After being informed of the danger, I was asked, “Still want to go to Kentucky?”

Scary, right? Here my greatest fear was this oil spill might cause the world to deflate! But that would take a long time, this could happen tomorrow!

Needless to say, I watched the video he gave me, where a man named Alex Jones interviewed a mad Reverend who knows everything about oil somehow! Fear coursed through my veins! Oil isn’t a fossil fuel?! What else have my teachers kept from me? Slowly, I came to the conclusion that I was doomed! Or at least my deformed babies were!

It took me a minute to come to my senses. Thankfully, the guy had a tell. He ended the video with where you could find his DVD’s and CD’s. He said they weren’t copy written, and he wanted as many people to see them as possible. But, I asked myself, if that is the case, why is he selling DVD’s? Why isn’t he giving a YouTube address instead?

He wants to make money!

He’s simply scaring people into buying his DVD’s! What a great ploy! I wonder why more people don’t do that.

On an unrelated note, come back in September, where I reveal the dark underbelly of the government conspiracy to take over your rights. “Things They Would Rather You Not Find Out About.” Prepare to be scared, and have your checkbooks ready.

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You know what I’m tired of?

Paparazzi!

Seriously, they just won’t leave me alone. And they’re inescapable! Cameras coming from everywhere! There’s even a new kind of spy phone with a camera built in!

Well, I’m fed up! I’ve gotta move to a place where I can blend in. I gotta move to the big city.

That’s right! JohnInk.com is moving to Kentucky! Don’t worry, though, JohnInk.com will remain your favorite website. Next month, we make fun of the popular Twilight series. I can’t believe we were the first to think to do that. Come and watch it on July 1st! Bring your popcorn!

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Guess what? I know of a couple of people that are competing in the Miss North Dakota Pageant this June 10-12. Do you know what that means? JohnInk.com has a chance to get it’s first CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT! That’s what that means! All I need to do is help one of them win, then convince them that my website is good! That should be easy enough…

Miss PEACE GARDEN!!!

Platform: Keeping Music in Schools… AND TAKING NAMES!!!

The Legendary Miss Peace Garden is a force to be contended with. She is said to weigh a metric ton, all muscle. Though no one has dared to weigh her. It’s said she possesses the ability to SNAP FULL GROWN TREES with her BARE HANDS. And to stay carbon neutral, she always plants ten trees for every one she rips down! Without a shovel! She can probably shoot lasers out of her eyes! And fly maybe! And she has a gun in that drawing! And she is pretty! BOOM!

Miss WILLISTON!!!

School: North Dakota State University OF PAIN!

It is said Miss Williston usually rescues a bus full of orphans before breakfast! But who is this mysterious hero of the ages? Raised by wolves/velociraptors, she grew up in the far fridgid North of Dakota. Now, she fights the forces of evil, with her nanofiber exoskeleton and her sidekick, Sparky. Or, so it’s been said. By me, mostly. She also has an accelerated growth factor, can run faster than a bullet fired at the speed of light, and has a lovely singing voice.

Other Contestants I know well enough to be friends on Facebook:

Miss Williams County! Miss Oil Country! Equally stellar.

Sweet. I’m sorry I can’t be there, I have to work. I mean, one of them will win for sure now.

Wish them luck. For the sake of JohnInk.com! And the World!

Links for YOU!

• Kid Batman – A kid gets a Batman Costume (thanks Jake)
• Liblr – JohnInk.com fits well there.
• First WeeWee – Oh, SMBC. How I love you.