How’s this for an opening sentence? “Hollywood carelessly and unspeakably murdered my childhood with a rusty, dull knife, laughing as the life slowly drained out of its eyes. Then it pooped on it, too.”

I guess that was two sentences.

I should offer a bit of a disclaimer. I’ve always been a huge King George VI fan. I remember fondly our fanciful playground reenactments (the bigger kids always made me play Hitler). I even have the Official KING GEORGE VI brand lunch container. But, The King’s Speech is a miserable disgrace. They didn’t even get one thing even remotely right! Have they forgotten the fans?

This movie wasn’t even in 3D! Don’t they know the original King George VI was three dimensional? I looked it up! So, what? You can afford Colin Firth, but you can’t afford to make your movie historically accurate?

Secondly, where were the jet skiing monks?

Score: 0 out of 0 zeroes.