Cola is already a strange thing. Before there was cola, there was nothing brown and liquid that you would want in your mouth. But somehow, these marketing geniuses overcame years of psychological conditioning.

And it gets worse. For those of you who require your food to be made of food, you may be unaware of the current fountain soda situation at McDonalds. That is, any size soft drink is only one dollar. One. And free refills.

In conclusion, marketing geniuses have got me suffering under the bloating weight of several gallons of my favorite icy brown sludge. I hope they are reading this, and it makes them sad.